..“But .. I Do “..

Maybe …
Maybe you don’t have a dream
But I do …

Maybe you stopped believing
And you don’t want to go on
But I do …

Maybe you don’t know yourself
But I do …

Maybe you don’t feel
You are special , I am special
You don’t see your gifts
But I do …

Maybe you get lost
In the dark and
No hope no more ,
Maybe you don’t care if you fall
But I do …

Maybe you don’t want to live
Beautiful colorful life
But I do …

When we have this fight
Maybe you don’t want to talk
But I do …

Maybe you don’t care
You don’t feel sad
But I do …

Maybe you don’t accept me
But I do …

Maybe you don’t think you hurt me
But I do …

Maybe you don’t feel my heart
You don’t hear it beating

Maybe you don’t love me
But I do …

Nour Badr 3/7/2008

Dust of Wishes

In some cloudy day, I was walking alone in the wet empty streets, wearing so many clothes, putting my hands in my jacket pockets, and my gray scarf is covering my hair and around my nick … my head was full of thoughts that was keeping me warm in front of this cold wind … the trees had empty branches except for little pinky and purple roses and they were falling already on me … there was a man who was cleaning the street from the fallen yellow leaves and roses, I don’t know why they're doing that … I like it to be there cause it gives the feeling of old beauty …

I was walking till I realize I passed my home, I didn’t mind so I kept walking … it's a so wonderful day and weather to me … suddenly, some crazy idea came into my head … I made sure that no one existed in the street, all markets and stores were closed, also every door and window, then I let go of my hair to the wind freely, opened my arms, closed my eyes and stand in the middle for a second, taking a deep breath with a big smile on my face .. During that, my scarf flied from my nick so I bent to take it to see my red shoes ... I was crazy enough to wear it today …

When I saw it, I wished that you were here to dance with me some tango like we used to do … I was holding my cell phone, so I turned on the music imagining you are here with me, one of your hands is holding mine and the other is around my waist and we started dancing … I was talking to you inside me… though you are far, I always feel you there in every step, every smile and every beat of my heart … I don’t know why I'm feeling safe and happy … maybe cause your words are totally honest, or maybe cause your voice is crossing the sky with your prayers to God …

It's been three hours and I was extremely living with my dance and the music, till it stopped, to realize that the light is about to disappear and darkness is going to be alive … so I went to my home taking a red rose from an old lady and when I get there, I held my pen and wrote to you this letter to tell you about this day and send you my golden dust of wishes … "love you forever" …

Nour Badr
Wednesday 2:00 mid night
Thursday 2:00 am

22/1/2009

In your Soul before your Heart …

She woke up in the morning and she imagined that she is leaving her heart on the floor, its place is empty in her chest and she is walking away … away from herself, get lost into the shining truth breathless, powerless and non-believer …

She was walking on the remains of her life and she can hear the sound of the crash under her foot …

There was no bleeding from this gab in her body, but it was like a window to watch her thrown heart … every once in a while, she was recognizing it like there's some connection between them, but she was also denying…" I don’t want it "…

He's still beating, still alive … why are you still fighting? … Why do you want to be stick in this muddy life? … She was thinking with her crying eyes … someday you'll explode from homeless feelings and people will walk on your alive pieces with an evil smile on their faces …

She was screaming: "die … stop beating for love … love died so long ago … why do you still believe?"

Cause God made me from his soul. And his soul is light of love … when you look at the sky, you find the sun is disappearing behind the clouds and the rain is falling down for a small thirsty rose growing in the middle of the desert then, rise again to give it warmness and hope … when you see an innocent smile on a kid's tiny lips despite the distraction around … when you hear the singing of two old "man and woman" out loud with a radio …
When the truth and the word of right are still being said … are you still asking about love?

She wasn’t asking about love … she was a love seeker … she was looking for the safest place to hide … as he read her mind:
"You are just in the wrong place and wrong time…"
"Am I always in the wrong place and time? When will I be in the right ones?"
"When you believe in God, because he's in your soul before your heart…"


Nour Badr
24/03/2009
Tuesday – in college

Africa Night …

When night comes, everything turn to black even my thoughts … I look to the stars, small bright points in the sky and great gates to other worlds … every time I stand on my window and look at it, my eyes travel into it and my mind go through it trying to know the far secrets and find other world, my real world … I woke every morning feeling there's a huge gab in my soul, something is bushing my heart and put it in a small box … the sun rises, the clouds are moving, people are talking and the birds are singing while flying over the roads … they all have their own lives in a normal way except me , because my real life begins at the night …

How beautiful this golden sand, pure air, free running animals and over this hill, I can see wild green land with a brown horses eats the grass … under this old big tree there's someone I know lying under its shadow with a book on his chest … just as he used to do … and right beside him, my beloved home stands … I can hear the sound of the small bells on the door … so I laugh and run to my place, get close to my only man and move a white rose on his face to open his eyes … I smiled at him as he did and gave me a hello hug …

We were talking of many things till the night comes … and around the fire out of the house, we were setting with our friends, laughing and eating … my body was with them but my spirit was roaming in this wild land thinking how beautiful Africa night is ! ... There's a sound of the far music flying in this air, the smell of the wet grass and calm lakes … so I looked at my love gratefully and give him a sweet kiss …

Again, I woke up in my room in the city, and the darkness is still covering everything … I stand on the window to watch the stars as usual remembering my dream … During this, I saw two lovers, standing under the only lamb in the street holding hands, kissing each other and saying promises, even their shadows were so in love … I left my crying eyes to the sky "God" …

Nour Badr
Wednesday 21/1/2009
10:00 pm

That's what you think ..

Special , Unique , Different … That is what you think about yourself , no one is like you , you deserve the best , so no body will be perfect for you , you are the only one who deserves you … You feel that people can’t understand you , even the closest to you , and you may feel good about this but you u can’t keep the loneliness away from you …

When you want to care about someone and he won’t give it a chance ; when you lose your trust in everything ; when there’s no much hope … Your heart beats so strong , you can’t breath , you look around and every one is busy by his own things , you scream , but the voice is within … The night falls , you’re laying on the bed , turning “us against the world” song on , and this power invades you , some memories comes into your mind make you smile … Some pictures give you inspiration , some people make you realize what you’re living for and stories of them make you believe again , and sometime , just staring is all you need …

You think so much about love , about the person you’ll fall with , will he give you what you dream of , you see that movie with all this romantic moments and it’s all coming again ; I want to live like this , then , you find yourself in fantasy land , but what if the wrong one loved you right !? …



Tuesday, April, 15th
Nour Badr

Live .. Love .. Sing .. Dance

IN LOVE AND WAR

It's the morning again, and the same view from the same window … nothing changed but seasons of the sun … the same old chair, the same old bed, the same broken walls and the same old house … the night is getting darker, the sun became bored but I was waiting for you …

Every night I was crossing the seas and I found you, fighting so brave behind the red lines … I get close to you, watching you saving so many souls … I ran to you and you looked surprised asking me about how I get here, so I put my hand on your mouth and gave you au fond kiss and my soul with it as a keeper angel … you smiled to me with your pure eyes which is like the calm sea and telling me "there's no good bye, only love" and sweep my tears away with your smile still shining on your face then, it's all slowly vanishing with the first light of the morning …

There was so much feeling inside, so much papers and feathers on the disk … the words in my head was in mess … how many times I set to write few words and put my feelings on the paper but it just keep running away … I've always thinking about my letters to you and if it has ever reached to you cause I'm saving it all on the wall beside the frame where I saved the first wild rose you gave to me …

The last flowers you put in the vase were beside our bed still, waiting for you to change it … the small heart that you draw on my hand was always keeping your warm touch … the memories of our last night were flying around and holding on in my mind … the sparkle in my eyes was fading but the hope in my heart was making it beat … It's been lots of days and very long to just pass by … you left me in no where, no time … "will you send me an angel?"

Sometimes, I was climbing the mountain just to call your name so loudly, to scream with all my power, get all my feelings out, falling apart on my knees and cry…

I look forward to heaven, I look forward to you … I was missing spending a warm night between your arms … day after day with sadness inside, day after day I did get weaker that I felt that my reflection in the mirror is fading away and is hardly there …

In someday, I stand on the top of the same mountain holding my hands to the sky and praying, I felt so much pain penetrate all my body as it's running with my blood … I screamed painfully and I didn’t know why did your name was the only word I was saying in this very moment … but suddenly, the pain was disappearing and I became like a peaceful river, I left my immortal body and entirely mixed with the tiny Atoms of the air, feeling the sweet cold, covered by the most pure light ever, flying over the white hells to the empty path of mine and all I was thinking of was you …

Then, I come to you my love crossing places and times … to the gray sky and the bloody lands … I saw the spirits lost, searching for their way to heaven while fear is breathing out the smoky air…I come to take you "love" to a place where we can catch the time and breath in happiness …

I found you in your lake of blood trying to stand up again, so I landed beside you letting my tears washing your pain … I held you close to my chest and I toke the light from the angels to full your heart, so I found your earthy clothe disappearing and the same pure light was covering you, your eyes were opening again and you toke my hand in yours and left this harmed body …

Finally together, we spend our last night on the earth in our wooden home and we went to heaven carrying all of our loving memories with us.


By Nour Badr
3-12-2008
Last edit 14/1/2009
Wednesday